!!HaPpEnInGs@rOuNd.Me!!

To be able to feel, is a blessing. Cherish while it lasts.

2012-01-07T22:23:00.003+08:00

nothing else seems to matter. nothing else, no one else. even being friends with someone I used to hate doesn't bother me at all. I don't even feel anything at all now. even when I know someone's being real and good to me, I can't give anything in return. was it because I'm not ready for him, or simply because I've lost the ability to feel? I haven't felt such a strong urge to pack up and run away to a foreign place before. a desire so strong that did not even happen when I broke up with ephraim. so strong that I'm pretty determined to take a gap year from my life, from everyone, from everything. if not for that loan I'm carrying, I would be gone.

gap year trip in 2 years time, if I still can't find back my ability to feel.

looking back on 2011 and embracing 2012

2012-01-06T02:06:00.006+08:00

2011 has been an interesting year for me. I managed to stay in a job for more than a year and got my heart broken twice. I'm really glad and proud of my heart cause it's still beating despite all that happened. I must say I've really learnt alot, be it at work or on life. Looking back at the ups and downs, I shall start on my 2012's resolutions. Gonna keep it simple and realistic this time round.

1. Healthier Me
I shall start by quitting dieting. Not like I'm giving up. Simply because when I stop thinking about dieting and about food, I feel happier and am less hungry. It worked so far, and I'm just a couple more kilos away from my ideal weight. At the same time, I've successfully cut down on smoking, from half pack to 3 sticks a day. Sometimes even none at all! My goal shall be to maintain like this for the rest of the year. And before I forget, I've also signed up for a 10km run in April. Time to start training for it and get a strike off my bucket list! 加油吧，陈怡叡!

2. Wiser Me
This is the hardest to achieve. Let's just say, I shall try to be wiser by not falling for words so easily. :) Hear no evil Eileen Tan, hear no evil!!!

3. Happier Me
Work hasn't been very fulfilling and it's almost impossible to find joy in it. Nevertheless, I'm glad and thankful that being involved in the union has led me to a bunch of very fun people. If I have to say a reason for remaining in this job, it's definitely them. I shall try to be more proactive in work and ask for new responsibilities. If the management still can't hear my cries for development, then it's probably time to consider a career move.

That shall be all for my 2012's resolutions! Good luck to me, and to everyone who have goals set. Let's strive towards it together! :)

属于

2011-08-31T01:24:00.000+08:00

还有牵引突然有感应
在这一刻他很开心
应该是又遇见了新恋情
只是现在我不会妒忌
不断找爱是他宿命
就好像我总是选择孤寂
在人与人来回试探眼神的言语
在爱与不爱等待与放弃的煎熬里
突然我会怀疑
太执着的爱你
是出自爱情
还是因为不甘心
在心与心碰撞后开始保护自己
在放与不放沉淀与寂寞日子里
直到看清楚爱情
只属于属于自己
时间的雨下了多少季
我还等着雨天过去
有点担心已经不适应天晴
在人与人来回试探眼神的言语
在爱与不爱等待与放弃的煎熬里
突然我会怀疑
太执着的爱你
是出自爱情
还是因为不甘心
在心与心碰撞后开始保护自己
在放与不放沉淀与寂寞日子里
直到看清楚爱情只属于自己

Perfect Strangers.

2011-08-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

最熟悉的陌生人

还记得吗
窗外那被月光染亮的海洋
你还记得吗
是爱让彼此把夜点亮
为何后来我们用沉默取代依赖
曾经朗朗星空
渐渐阴霾

心碎离开
转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞
是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上
最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

心碎离开
转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞
是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上
最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀?
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

new ink. new life.

2011-08-19T00:26:00.004+08:00

he appeared in my dream a few days back, how weird is that? but as soon as I woke up, I knew it. no matter how he treated me, and no matter how ugly we ended, I will still care for him. 只是爱已经不存在了。

just did a new ink recently. the first raven reminds me of the taste of freedom in Aussie. the second one hurts really bad this time. just like how it did when we ended. the second one's a combi of a compass and a dreamcatcher. it serves to remind me to never lose myself again. I paid a heavy price for the lesson, and totally lost confidence in myself after.

if someone I loved with all my heart could treat me like this, what more about other guys? i view all guys as 贱男人now. they just have to prove that they're not, but I've been disappointed so many times already. the more I hope that a guy will prove me wrong, I'm proven wrong each time.

till I find that guy, I'm gonna try to love myself more.

lovin' my new ink. :)))

the end is the new beginning

2011-07-18T00:23:00.001+08:00

爱过的证据都不见了。

被人疼和爱惜的感觉却回来了。单身也蛮好玩的嘛。:)))

醉后决定爱上你

2011-07-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

是不是所有爱过的证据消失了，就真的会好起来？还是要到停止呼吸的那一天？

good analogy. what do you think?

2011-07-08T01:37:00.002+08:00

his love for me was like organic food, it had a short expiry date. it's perishable.

mine for him was like canned food, heaps of preservatives in it. it doesn't expire soon and it's way too unhealthy. i need to learn to love like organic food.

love, indeed has an expiry date.

my life and happiness. give it all back

2011-07-03T06:43:00.003+08:00

I've learnt my lesson. I've learnt not to be so guilible and trusting next time. I've also learnt to love myself more than others. what I need to learnt now is how to get over the fact that I sucked as a gf. I sucked so much that I couldn't make someone REALLY love me.

the day's lighting up and I'm still awake. I need to learn to sleep.

what goes around comes around

2011-06-25T07:50:00.003+08:00

didn't use me as a rebound? then how is it that you're missing someone from your past the moment we break up? officially missing you video? you told me you were referring to someone else. great job you bastard. meaning you missed her all along, but now you can finally officially miss her after we broke up. I can't believe I was together w a bastard for the past 4 months, a bastard who was missing someone from his past while he was with me.

I don't hope you burn and rot in hell cos I know you will.

2011-06-23T00:56:00.002+08:00

I check his fb wall. I hope he was referring to me, even though I know he's not.

i forget about dinner at times. I lose sleep everynight.

我真是犯贱。

bad, flawed, imperfect

2011-06-15T00:29:00.004+08:00

I keep hoping that this is just a dream. he told me he really hopes im his last gf. how can it be that i don't understand the person who has been telling me he loves me everyday for the past 4 months? if he really loved me, he would've done something already. if he really loved me, how can he do without me? it just makes me feel worst everyday knowing that I'm so dispensable to someone. I must be really really really bad.

it's not like what he said 'maybe we are not ready for each other yet'. I feel so stupid. I have been stupid for the past 4 months, showing off how happy I was and how much he loved me.

I swear I won't be so gullible the next time round. even if the guy tells me he loves me every night before i sleep, it means nothing. like what jack says, 'talk is not even cheap, it's free'.

everyday a small voice inside tells me 'he loved you. he loves you. he just dont know what to do now'. while another voice shouts back 'wake up! if he really loved you, why isn't he texting you? why? stop being so cheap and wake up. there are many ppl who cares about you!'

I've learnt my lessons. evan was right from the start when she said 'dont trust guys too much'.

I seriously don't have that many 5 years. and if he doesn't text me at all, all the more he doesn't deserves me wasting 5 years on him.

I keep telling myself that I have to be strong for those who loves me. but the moment I get reminded of how dispensable I am, I just feel damn worthless and that I must be a very very bad and flawed person. otherwise, how could he just let me go like this?

so what even if I slapped myself awake? I need a getaway. I need a guy to tell me that I'm not that bad, not a friend. I want to stop crying everytime I feel inferior.

I'm walking out, moving on.

2011-06-10T00:41:00.003+08:00

'let me go for now? if I go I won't come back'

I said that. and I was serious. for the past 3 days there wasn't a single message from you. on the first day, I've been crying 24/7. crying when i woke up, crying when i bathe, crying when I'm eating, crying myself to bed at night. on the second day, crying in the morning, crying when i bathe, crying myself to sleep. on the third day, all the possibilities of us getting back together vanished. i stopped crying, i'll just tear once in a while. my heart was dead. at that moment, I knew I had to stop waiting and that it's time to wake up.

these 3 days has allowed me to think. how important am I to you if you don't even bother salvaging the relationship when I initiated a break up? instead of doing so, you blamed me for commenting on whatever you said.fine. I shut it. and still? no messages from you.

thank you for letting me know how uninterested u were in our r/ship. thank you for showing me how light your love weighs.

thank you for all the happy and sad memories. I'm walking out of your life, I'm moving on.

单身

2011-06-08T00:25:00.003+08:00

Had no choice but to take urgent leave today cos of the same reason, my eyes were damn swollen. I'm so used to wearing the ring on my finger everyday. I don't even remember when was the last I took it off. Today's the first day I haven't worn it at all. It feels so weird. My tummy's feeling weird, everything's feeling weird.

失恋不是世界末日，死不了。痛久了一定会好。。。

I don't like it when you say you love me and yet your actions and words prove otherwise. I don't like the weak me now.

It took me 5 years to get over my previous relationship. I don't have that many 5 years. What can I do? T_T

zombified

2011-05-12T01:08:00.001+08:00

been sleeping real late and waking up feeling as though i havent slept these few days. my RO even had a shock and asked me why I look so pale. I need those lavender thing to make me sleep. ahhhhhhhhhhhh :(

The escapade

2011-05-10T23:06:00.002+08:00

whoever said music has healing power is lying. it makes you relax but it does not heal anything. i don't like me now.

i need a place like byron bay now. right now.

I need a puff of serenity

2011-05-08T22:57:00.002+08:00

I feel like I'm so worthless and unimportant to him. I need a getaway. impromptu travel trip anyone?

2011-04-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

Initial plan was to meet bb for tau huay at chong pang. But couldn't in the end cause it was raining. However, bb was really sweet today. Instead of meeting up, he da bao-ed for me. So we ended up nuahing on the sofa, watching gumiho, eating tau huay and dim sum, together with my mum. I love this feeling and I want to remember it.

This post shall serve as a reminder of the sweet and good he has done for me. I'm a happy girl today, and for the next few days to come. :)))

tarot card reading. screwed or screw you?

2011-04-20T22:46:00.002+08:00

I just went for tarot card reading last Saturday, and it's the stupidest thing I have ever done. To believe or not to, I seriously have no idea. But it's definitely making me think much more than I should.

Why do I feel like I'm in a part-time relationship, and in a relationship with myself at times? You said you'll really get angry if I bring up the topic about the prediction again. But do you really think a relationship with just 10 hours of communication each week is going to work out? If this continues we don't even need the prediction to know where our relationship is going.

I'm getting so greedy I know. 只要相信爱情，幸福就会来。

Really?

Comments disabled btw.

I'm on par with porn. Woohoo! :)))

2011-03-19T00:10:00.005+08:00

I'm getting more and more greedy these days. It seems like enough is never really enough. Is it too much of me to frown because we can hardly find time for each other? Today is Friday, fifth day of the week. And guess what? I've only met my awesome bf for a total of 3 hours so far this week.

3 hours is equivalent to the time i spend reading tweets every week, 3 out of 168 hours a week means I'm taking up just 1.8% of his time this week. I'm not even 5% of his time!

My only comfort? In knowing that even though we meet up less than 5% of his time each week, at least his thoughts are constantly divided this way:

I'm on par with porn. Woohoo! :)))

tasting freedom is the most dangerous act EVER.

2011-03-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

i've been looking at my photos taken ever since i came back from aussie. true, i have many friends i love here. but why do i look so tired in all of the photos? i'm not in culture shock or super jet lag or anything.

i just seriously miss the smell of freedom and the beautiful sky there. people here are always too busy to be considerate to others. even the stars are too busy to twinkle (of cause i know it's because of the city lights DUH~). the clouds are either missing or too gloomy during the day. same shit different day bores me ttm.

the good thing was that our KL trip helped me recharged a little. but still. there's no clear blue skies and starry night, with a cold breeze for me to go 'hahhhhh~this is so comfortable'.

of cause i know i should get on with life. even if i were to go back to aussie, the people there are already different. everything will not be the same anymore. but still. sighs~

warning. tasting excessive freedom and getting exposed to a culture like australia's, is extremely addictive and dangerous. i don't even want to kick my addiction. i love weekly house parties where we just get wasted and be stupid. friends who feel like my family, REAL family. and impromptu adventure trips (cairns, habourtown, surfer's, MovieWorld, lavendar farm, etc.) whenever we feel like it.

my goal? work at tvb, retire and move to aussie by 40. but. maybe he can make me give all these up. i like it when he does courtesy acts that 95% of the singaporeans won't do (at least it's not a habit to most of them). the stars doesn't twinkle here in singapore, but it always sparkles in his eyes when we talk about anything and everything. and when we do stupid acts at times. there's no clear blue sky here with the gentle breeze to make me go 'ahhhh~so comfortable', but we're always comfortable with each other's company.

so the plan for now? same shit different day. BUT. with a awesome bf n friends who add colors to my life.

答案?

2011-01-23T05:28:00.000+08:00

愛情不是選擇題﹐ 沒有所謂的標準答案。
沒有人會說你的決定是對還是錯。
只有你的心﹐會告訴你﹐誰才是你心中真正的答案。

Looking back

2010-12-26T22:40:00.003+08:00

So much has happened in 2010. I'd wanted to type it out periodically, but have no idea where to begin and how to put it to words at all.

1. i lost a friend. someone whom used to be my bestie. Initially I had thought time would smooth things out and even thought 'maybe we can still be friends someday?' But I totally gave up that idea up. I'm not even going to try anymore no matter what others say. and fyi. crying infront of our friends? making us look like the ones who bullied you? making friends coming to us and say 'stop being so hard on her'? just because no one see us crying doesn't make you the VICTIM. fuck.

2. white water rafting at tullys and snorkeling at great barrier reef. a strike off on my bucket list.

3. someone asked me to be his gf. which is a totally weird thing to be happening to me after being single for more than 6 years. i have no idea how to make it work. i don't even have any idea if either of us are serious. that's what you get when you've locked your heart away for too long.

4. I'm just barely 3 months into my job and I'm already sick of it. It's hard to enjoy doing something when it's not my area of interest. i can only tell myself that ' mai hiam lah. at least, i'm paid well to put what I've learnt at uni to good use. I'm already much more fortunate than others. Mai hiam buay pai~'.

5. uber cool friends whom i'm very sure that we will remain friends our whole life (hy,jack,ss,edmund,cai & xunci). I've got more than 5 on the list, what more can i ask for?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

looking back, my year hasn't been too bad. in fact, it's been pretty good! how was yours? I'm looking forward to starting 2011 with a bang with 14 other people. Can't wait for 1.1.11!!!!!

愛情會過期。。。對吧﹖

2010-12-06T23:45:00.003+08:00

HELLO STRANGER

A love story about two strangers who know nothing about each other and fall in love.

He is a football fanatic, videogame nerd, social butterfly, comic lover, tired of love stories and a cynic of love while she is Korean soap opera fan, beef lover, devout radio station listener, avid book reader, and homebody.

Together, they are perfect strangers who will travel, eat, share a room, and talk about anything and everything including each others top secrets.

-----------------------
exactly what i want. a stranger to travel together. do i sound weird saying that? but i reckon it could be pretty interesting. I'm definitely going to catch this movie!!! XD

Colorgenics

2010-11-22T22:01:00.002+08:00

Name: Eileen
Date: Monday 22nd 2010f November 2010 01:57:32 PM
Colorgenics Number: 1/3/7/2/0/4/5/6/

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will. (does that mean that I can stop cursing my prince charming for not appearing earlier?)

You want what you want and you need all that you want and, as they say in the movies, you are the sort of individual that 'By hook or by crook' you will, by fair means or foul, endeavour to get what you are looking for. (SO TRUEEEEE. 0_0)

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams. (evan would know this best. HUGS HUN!love you more than you can ever imagine. lol. )

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle. (hmm...i wonder.)

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship. (YES OMO. T_T )

To try this freakingly accurate test, click here.

my world's raining

2010-10-27T22:54:00.002+08:00

I've been drinking so much ever since I got back. In fact, more than what I use to drink in aussie. I've been asking myself recently. 'Why am I living my life like this?' 'Why do i keep myself busy, trying to fill up every second of my time?' 'Why can't I just stay home on a weekend and not do anything, not drink, and watch tv instead?'

As if the drama going on at home wasn't enough. Now even all those cells/genes in my mum's body are messing around. A 5cm water bubble/tumor, a hard bump, and frequent aches. All in different places. When is this shit going to end? I'm so mentally tired of all these that I can't even cry when I'm drunk. Not even a single tear. Now that I've blogged about this, I need a stranger to talk to. Not a friend. Imagining friends being concern and giving me the oh~poor-thing eyes just weighs my heart even more. I know it's contradicting. You might say 'then don't blog about it lah!' I just need a friend to listen, and a stranger to talk to.

Time to start saving up for a getaway. i need a break away from this place, away from this tiny red dot on the map, away from this mostly humid and sometimes gloomy country. Definitely going away next year. Probably June, probably on my birthday. Rather be elsewhere. Stranger, are you up for it?

guys are simply hopeless. prove me wrong if you can.

2010-10-12T00:10:00.003+08:00

day by day, it just made me more certain than ever, that...

guys are hopeless. it's always all words and no actions. people may say that for a guy to cry for a girl, he must be really in love with her. but. if you have to courage to cry and whine about her, why can't you just put it into actions? so what even if she's 10000 miles away? don't tell me you can't just leave uni and your work behind. you're not lacking of money. you said you just scored 90/100 for a test. AND. there's airplanes now for gods sake.

how can there be anything in the world which will make you hesitate even for a sec, when you actually opened your floodgates for that girl? when you actually know that she's the one you want to spend your life with?

if all the single and remaining guys out there are like this, i rather, SERIOUSLY, fall for a girl. and i'm not even kidding.

so damn fucking pissed right now. ARGHHHHHHH.

你是好女人/傻女人?

2010-10-03T22:19:00.001+08:00

”真正的好女人﹐ 不是傻女人﹐ 也許她會 [演] 成傻女人﹐ 但她私底下一定很聰明。而傻女人則會拼命地付出﹐ 付出到失去自己﹐ 讓別人都為她擔心。“ - 藍心湄

doomed to stay single

2010-09-26T00:08:00.003+08:00

previously i blogged about this. about what i want.

1. a guy who will hold my hand and introduce me to all his friends, family and relatives as his gf.
2. when he hears something bad about me (example: eileen is a bitch), he will say 'that's why i love her'.

to add on to that...
3. he must think of me every night before he sleeps.

that's all. is it really that hard? i wouldn't even mind if he flirts around outside, or go clubbing with other girls. As long as he remembers to think about me every night before he sleeps, and does no.1 & 2. guess it's not as easy as i thought after all.

till i find someone like that, i shall continue enjoying my single-hood. working hard, but playing hard too. till i find someone like that, i shall live my life ridiculously. hahahaha. XD

走味的咖啡。

2010-09-13T02:42:00.003+08:00

I've totally quit drinking coffee ever since O'levels because I got so sick of it.I drank so much of it that I probably used up all of my quota from 'coffees-an-average-person-drinks-in-his-whole-life'. But even though it has been a long time, I can still remember how coffee used to taste like. I saw the following sentences from a book and I thought it was pretty meaningful.

[浅浅的笑，但笑里带些苦。
像是忘了加糖的咖啡，有咖啡的香醇，有奶精的濃馥﹐ 卻少了糖的甜美﹐ 像是走味的咖啡。]

I can't find the sugar for my cup of coffee now. I thought it would be easy. But seeing the way my mum is saying and behaving differently, it just tugs my heart. She's behaving like she's sane most of the time, but it's been ages since I've seen a real smile on her face. She's not her usual self anymore. Seeing her like this is a mental torture. If not for the education debt which I'm carrying on my shoulders, Singapore's the last place I ever want to be on earth right now.

I need a getaway. BADLY. I've never believed in the existence of gods. If you really exist, please help me in someway or another. Send me a guardian angel or give me heaps of money. I've never ever felt so helpless in my whole life, ever. fuck.

comments disabled

Time to start working on my resolutions and wake up from the zombified days!

2010-08-24T02:48:00.004+08:00

I have always been very bad at sticking to my resolutions and making them happen. The only things which I did were to further my studies overseas and to get a tattoo. It's only like two out of a million on the list. Probably because I know I have heaps of time to complete them anyway. But, maybe I was wrong. Each day, each week, each month, each year, the things that I want to achieve/complete just keep piling up. It's never ending. Besides, there will always be a reason or circumstance that prevents me from achieving what I want to do. Is it normal to have different wants and goals every now and then? Or is it just me stressing myself out too much?

I guess it all has to to with perseverance and motivation. Most of my interests and resolutions usually last for a day, or probably two. It's very rare that I would want something so badly that I would be willing to work hard for it. And now, I have a couple which I really want to achieve and I am starting to work towards it. Can't really tell at the moment when the fire in me will burn out. Probably right after I finish writing this entry. LOLL. But hopefully not that soon, cause those are things that I really want to achieve.

FYI, 'getting into a relationship' isn't on my resolution list. I believe that love expires. It has an expiry date. Disagree? Show me some real life examples to prove me wrong. Do I sound very pessimistic saying that? I don't really know what you think but that's what reality have taught me.

I have been 'zombified' for the past couple of days, or weeks. Kept having trouble falling asleep at night. Bodyclock's totally been reversed. My daily routine will include sitting infront of the computer for hours, reading books, sleeping in the morning and waking up in the noon. I'm only out of the house like 3 times a week, and each time for just a couple of hours. When I'm out, I'll be reading on the buses/trains, totally oblivious to what's happening in the surrounding. Purposely oblivious. I don't really care what's happening around me. I reckon even if there's a car accident at the traffic light that I'm about to cross, I most probably wouldn't know. In fact, I don't really care.

Don't tell me I need a life. I have a life. I just need to feel alive.

i know, most boring post ever. LOLLLL

haircut, really?

2010-08-15T17:57:00.002+08:00

never been so awake

2010-08-08T23:53:00.004+08:00

contradiction is like having 10 cans of red bull. It fucking keeps you awake all night. deciding not to do anything with the contradiction is like suffering from serious cold. It hinders with your breathing. BREATHEEEEEEEEE

im officially moving on. this time for real.

2010-08-03T22:21:00.003+08:00

all along i thought i was crazily into you. i guess time, be it long or short, can change heaps of things.

. wrapping the jacket around me and yet i didn't flush.
. putting your hands on my shoulder from the back, and standing so close and yet i didn't flush.
. telling me to hold on to you on the train and yet i said no without thinking. there wasn't even a moment of hesitation.

in fact, because i didn't have much reaction, he even thought he was making me feel bored throughout the trip. glad I've finally walked out of this one-sided infatuation which i knew from the start that wouldn't have an ending.

I'm a happy girl now.just that i feel like a boy most of the time. =(

someone remind me im a girl please!

难怪我喜欢的朋友那么少。也难怪喜欢我的人那么少。

2010-06-20T12:02:00.002+08:00

讨厌。。。
会说别人自己却不会反醒的人
酒后才露出真面目的人
势力眼和现实的人
欠钱不还的人
面前装着喜欢我却在背后说我长短的人
笨蛋和太聪明的人
外表二十岁思想八十岁的人
说话不经过大脑和爱说废话的人
被我讨厌的人 (你只需要让我看见一次你真实丑陋的一面，就别想我会忘记)

喜欢。。。
真诚，知足，整天嘻嘻哈哈,天蹋下来当被盖的人。

难怪我喜欢的朋友那么少。我也从来不稀罕与我讨厌的人多说话。也难怪喜欢我的人那么少。

which i don't really care. XD

inked = lian?

2010-06-08T17:01:00.002+08:00

i love my ink. most friends are cool with it as well. but i've had few stereotype reactions. some of them have this traditional thinking that tattoo means ah lian.

H-A-H-A-!

even if im an ah lian, im one who is well educated and i don't freaking take money from my family since im 16. so who are you to judge me? i'm so irritated by comments of these people who still think with their ass. the next time i see one of such comment you're fucking going off my friends list because you're not fit to be on it.

do i need to have a reason to get a tattoo? oh yeah. if you want one i'll tell you. do you know how long you're going to live? do you know when you're going to die? NO. instead of not doing the things you want and be restricted by 'i can't do this. what will other's think of me?', i rather live my life. MY OWN LIFE. i wouldn't want to go 'damn, i should have done that and not care about what others think' when im all old. label me egocentric or selfish or nbccb, still say you not ah lian if you want. i'll just live my life the way i want. if you love me, great. if you want to judge me, then fuck off.i don't need you in my life.

and of cos, there are some who doesn't judge, but they care too much that they feel it's wrong for me to get a tattoo. becos they're worried that others might not have a good impression of me. but what matters to me isn't what others think about me, is what you think about me. i understand that you just care too much. but you gotta understand that i dont fucking care what others think about me.

to all those 'stereotypers' who think with their ass
don't judge me, because then you wouldn't have time to love me, and FYI, you're the one losing out.

liberated

2010-05-24T18:00:00.005+08:00

when you said you're just going to defer a semester and will be coming back, i saw hope.

when you said i should stay in aussie after graduation, my hope grew.

when you said you want to work in singapore after graduation, i thought i had hope.

but im done trying. it's so hard to perservere when im the only one trying and you don't even know. or perhaps you do but you're just pretending that you don't. you have NO IDEA how tired i am.

i officially quit my addiction for you. no words you say are going to sway me no more. one day, you're going to look back and think 'damn, why didn't i fell for her?'

LOLLL. goodbye my love~

Are you depressed?

2010-05-10T18:32:00.005+08:00

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

[Y]you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
[Y]you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
[Y]you feel hopeless and helpless
[Y]you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
[Y]you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating (it depends. but yeah, surprisingly i actually lost my appetite on one of the days. -_-)
[Y]you are much more irritable and short-tempered than usual
[]you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

yes to 6 out of the 7 symptoms. i declare myself suffering from clinical depression. can't find anyone to talk to. no matter who i try to talk to they always make me feel that this is what they're thinking: 'oh really?'/'okay'/'are you done talking?'. so i stopped talking much. not even to evan. cos whenever i want to talk, her face seems to tell me 'i'm bz with my assignments'/'i have no time to hear you out'/'go away'.

that's proof of depression kicking in. making me think so much. i've nv been one of those girls who needs retail therapy. probably a lil' retail therapy could help this time round. or i'll just drink till i flop on 17th may.

12 hours later: my daily dose of drug just made me feel better by talking to me for 1.5hours straight. he's not the only reason for me feeling depressed. probably all the stress of graduating soon, not being able to get my dream job, having to return to singapore, and assignments stress. It's a good sign that i've now identified the root cause aye. adios.

need an escape. RIGHT NOW.

2010-03-22T08:06:00.004+08:00

i cry alot. like when i watch movies. i always cry.

but cry over friendship? twice.

first time was when i had a huge quarrel with the girls. and then one of them blogged about it and used something/someone whom mattered to me the most to hurt me. no matter how angry im, i would never do that to a friend cos i know she would be hurt. like literally knive her heart. and it was fucking pain. NOT becos she mentioned someone that mattered the most to me. but because i love her too much that im VERY SURE i wouldn't do that if i were her. but oh well. that's past. shan't talk anymore about it.

second time? now. i dun even know the real reason for this whole thing that happened anymore. just becos no one sees us crying doesnt mean that we dont care for the friendship as much.

i need an escape RIGHT NOW. 14 more days till cairns trip. wonder how much would be left of me by then.

is it really that hard?

2010-03-13T01:49:00.002+08:00

1. a guy who will hold my hand and introduce me to all his friends, family and relatives as his gf.
2. when he hears something bad about me (example: eileen is a bitch), he will say 'that's why i love her'.

is it really that hard to find a guy who will do this? =(

to live my dream, im selfish. are you?

2010-02-17T00:08:00.005+08:00

i haven't been doing much recently. feels half-alive. been slping at almost 3am everyday and waking at 7am for work. if there's no work, i'll stay awake till 5 or 6am b4 heading to bed. im staying up late for no reason. was looking at the pictures on fb. comparing pictures of me overseas and pictures in singapore. i certainly look more alive in aussie. i have ALOT of friends who are important to me in singapore.

but i don't understand why. i don't understand why i feel more alive in aussie. of cos i do miss my mum, grandma, aunt, and a whole lot of ppl. and i love shopping in singapore becos the clothes here are so much cheaper and nicer. food is cheap too! i <3 the smell of my room. love weekends where shops are still open even after 3pm. <3 gatherings with ppl whom i havent seen in ages.

but still. for the first 30 days that i was back in singapore. i was sick for 20 days exactly. like REALLY SICK. even had to go for injections. took a whole lot of meds as well. probably it's becos i just hate working. or probably it's becos the people here don't miss me as much as i thought. or probably it's just becos it's me being me. im not making any sense. i know. LOLLL.

i guess it's becos i have been dreaming of working at tvb since i was 17. but as im nearing graduation, i realised that just dreaming and studying to get that degree for it aint enough. i had the courage to take a personal bank loan to study this current degree so that im one step nearer to my dream. seriously wonder if i will have the courage to leave everything in sg behind for it. family aint supportive at all. everyone have been discouraging me from doing so. brother asked me how could i leave mum behind for my dream. aunt been saying the same thing as well. why can't they just understand that all i've been doing these few years are just the stepping stones for me to reach my dream? why cant they see the importance of it?

becos family haven't been supportive, i even had thoughts of working in singapore for a year first b4 heading to hk. i seriously did. i searched for jobs in organizations i liked, even bookmarked the sites and made a list of jobs i could apply after graduation. but i seriously don't think i can do that. working in singapore after graduation will only give them chance to persuade me to stay in singapore.

deem me selfish. i've seen enough people around me who passed away at a young age. life is short. who knows? i may just die tmr. i don't want to die thinking that 'i should have pursued my dreams'. i've decided that i will look for jobs in aussie or hk after grad even if i can't get a job at tvb rightaway. i rather work overseas to build up my career profile than to come back to singapore. becos i know if i do, i may just give up my dream for these impt people in singapore.

i <3 my selfishness at times. it's a bad trait. but it's part of the real me. 8 more days b4 the flight back to aus to finish off my last semester at UQ. im missing these impt people alrdy. i know it's not goodbye forever. but still. i need more courage. please give me more courage to live my dream.

if you don't support me being selfish, please shut up and keep your opinion to yourself. i don't need any more disencouragement.

Friends...

2010-01-27T16:28:00.008+08:00

Friends...

call/text you to let you know you're not forgotten
get really angry at you for something stupid you've done cos they're worried
walk with and sometimes catch you when you fall (who says all girls needs guys!?)
offer you a place to stay for the night if you are travelling to another campus that is about 1-1.5hrs ride away from the place you're staying
go crazy and do all the stupid things together with you (e.g. stupid forfeits and water fights)
attempts to rape you at times becos they love you too much (yea evan. this is specifically meant for you. stop treating me like this. T_T )

and of cos..each friend is different in their own way. just like one who would write in a language they are freaking bad at just to get you to chill.

and yea. there's a reason why the picture and words is small. so you can't see my coarse language and seemingly violent intentions. LOLLLLLL

2010. New resolutions.

2010-01-01T18:22:00.003+08:00

to sum it all up. I only have 2 new year resolutions!

1. to forget all the unhappy stuff and embrace the unknown future!
2. to never ever kiss a friend after having alcohol. nobody would believe that you meant it even though you know you are not drunk. it's a HUGE mistake.

5 stages to move on.

1. Acceptance: face the fact that you like this person
2. Declaration: shout it out! you'll never know if you don't try!
3. Rejection: ouch. =*(
4. Grieving: stalking his fb, seeing him comment on your friend's wall and not yours. saying he miss your friend and not you.
5. Acceptance: accept the fact that he's never ever going to like you. even though you know you REALLY REALLY do like him. time to move on! time to keep all these feelings and memories into a treasure chest, lock it and throw the key away. if you don't, you may just miss out on someone else better.

am really glad i have a treasure chest. time to move on for someone else to help me build a even bigger and better one. =)

I am really excited what 2010 is going to bring for me and I'm looking forward to it!!!!!

Happy 2010 people!

wishing upon a shooting star

2009-12-26T02:46:00.006+08:00

the phone, waiting for a near-impossible text.
the legendary seashell, hoping the other similar one is still around.
the treasure box, house of the seashell and a sim card with messages i treasure alot.

i never believed in miracles. i use to believe in actions leading to consequences. but now, i am praying that wishes made upon a shooting star do actually come true.

please do not become my oxygen. please tell me i am not an addict.

Everything's changing. Including me. BEWARE. Longest post ever.

2009-12-20T03:44:00.004+08:00

Haven't blogged in a while. It's only been a couple of months but so much have changed. Perhaps I have changed as well.

I was really surprised when I saw how mannerly Singaporeans have became. People always tend to stand on one particular side of the escalator for others in a rush to move on the other. I am now less irritated by passengers on the train. WAYYY LESSS.

Some friends have changed as well. Can't really say at the moment if it's for the better or for the worst, I reckon time could be the judge to that.

SOOOO MUCH happened while at Australia. A Jap guy kissed me at a club while I was high on alcohol. Even texted me after that saying some random stuff. But oh well. It's a lesson well learnt. I had to balance work with studies and I am proud that I did a good job! And not to mention, I made HEAPS of friends from all over the world!

After 5 bloody long years of being single, I didn't think that my heart would beat fast anymore. But it did. I remember where we first met, how we first met, and what he was wearing that particular day. I still remember that handshake. Or perhaps I just have a superb memory. XD We saw each other in the campus frequently especially during the revision period for semester exams. It made me even more certain that 'this is it. my heart is really beating fast!!!!!!' yeap we kissed. infront of ALOT of friends. more than once. You know how you see in drama where when some people kiss one of their leg will kick backwards slowly? it did not happen to me. BUT. i felt like i was flying. SERIOUSLY. I was tip toeing all the while and it felt really natural. my method of flying. HAHA. However, it got really awkward after that and he told me he's sorry and he that really like me, as a friend.

HAH! I know. How much more pathetic could I get? He was wiping my tears for me and we sat down to talked things out for an hour. But things were still pretty awkward that we didn't really talk much in the campus even after the semester break. Not long after that he changed his facebook status to 'In a relationship'. Facebook is such a BITCH at times. It lets you stalk people, but it also show you information which you may not want to know. We texted each other once in a while and started to talk and pretend that nothing had happened after a month or two.

Things stayed that way until the 2nd semester exams. He said he's quitting uni, returning home and not coming back again. And to think I was REALLLLY happy because evan and I will be shifting to where he's living next year. =(

There was this bbq gathering after the exams and I invited him over. Played some drinking games. He's really nice to everyone. So I always try not to read too much into his actions. But a lil' part of me would be 'why did he come to my room!? evan!!!what should i say!??' / 'why did he try to bite my neck!?' / 'why did he bite my fingers?'

I know. I'm starting to sound even more pathetic now. And the day after the gathering, I saw him at the uni and he was saying that he's coming back. He will defer his studies for one semester, and then come back to aus to do a science course for 4 years. Deferring studies for one semester!??!! HELLO!! I GRAD IN JUL!!! AND I WOULDN'T BE AROUND WHEN YOU'RE BACK!!! Of course i didn't shout this out right in his face. But he was saying he will be back earlier so we could always meet up. XD

He gave me some of his lamps, heaters, book stands, air freshener and even a blanket. XD XD XD But what i loved out of all those stuff was the seashell he gave. He showed me another identical one and was saying 'take this. look! i have an exactly identical one!' I know he was just being nice. He probably just thought it would be a waste to throw the seashells away. Maybe he already threw away the rest after giving one of them to me. But doesn't matter. I'm still really happy!

He helped to shift some of the stuff over to my new apartment. We went for lunch/dinner together after that. Without any other friends, just the both of us. I don't really remember what we talked about, but I remember him laughing at me cause he thought that my reaction at something he said was really funny. And because I was going to KK party that night, and he's leaving the next day morning, so he told me to say goodbye before i leave for the party because we most probably wouldn't see each other until May or June next year.

A friend who was going together to the party happens to live right above him. LUCKYYYYY. So i got dressed up at her place and headed down to say goodbyes. =( Took a couple of photos together before heading over to the pool for a talk. Managed to find out that he doesn't have a gf anymore. They broke off weeks after getting together and he didn't change his facebook status. I told him that I meant it when I said i like him last semester. He was laughing and saying that he thought I was drunk so he didn't know. What he didn't hear was what I had wanted to say after that. I wanted to tell him that I STILL like him. But i did not. It already took me HEAPS of courage to tell him a lil' part of it. But anyways, managed to get a hug from him before leaving for the party. =(

Clubbing was fun that night with the right company. BUT STILL. I didn't want to get drunk. I wanted to stay awake so I could bid him goodbye in the morning. I was really surprised that despite falling over countless times, I managed to keep myself awake. Headed back to my friend's place to wash up and sleep for a couple of hours because we had plans to head down to gold coast that day. But instead of sleeping, I did something which took up ALLL of my courage. I texted him telling him the later part which i did not manage to say the night before.

HE TEXTED BACK ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. He was asking if I want to go down to his apartment. To talk I guess. My mind went into a complete state of BLANK. But still, I said I'll head down. I was having serious stomach cramps from being too nervous so it took me quite a while and he came knocking instead.

him: Are you drunk?
me: Nope. I'm totally sobered up. I know what I just texted.
him: I'm sorry. *and then he looked at me with a really sorry look* (I'M THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON EVER)
me: *covers my face with my hand* Don't look at me that way. It took me SOOOO much courage to tell you that.
him: I'm so proud of you.

And he hugs me. I knew at that moment that he doesn't like me at all. Not in any way a guy likes a girl. But a friend liking another friend, as simple as that. =(

He said he was going to have breakfast at a friend's unit and that I should go down to his in about half an hour. Headed down feeling super heavy hearted. REALLLY HEAVY. I watched him clean up the final bits of his apartment. I was laughing at his passport photo. Even had the thought of destroying his passport so he can't leave. HAHA. Waited for the cab together with him. Said our final goodbyes and he hugged me for the 3rd time. probably the last time.

I know I am really pathetic. but am glad that I said out what I was feeling and he didn't run away from me. I would have definitely regretted it if I did not. Seriously wonder where I got all that courage from at the moment.

I texted him the day I was flying back to singapore, while he was at sweden. didn't think that he would even reply. But he did. Even though the reply came late, he still did reply! Don't really know what I should do now.

I am officially a facebook stalker. I check his page to check for latest updates everyday. The first thing I do whenever I sign onto fb is to search fb chat to see if his name appears. If it doesn't, I'll just randomly click some links, and then sign out, only to sign in less than 1/2hr later to do the same thing. This cycle repeats EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am pretty sure even if he's online I wouldn't talk to him. But I would still <3 to see him online. =(

I am trying to kick my addiction to facebook. my addiction to fast heart beats. my addiction to him. Someone help me please.

I screwed up my teenage life?

2009-06-01T14:54:00.003+08:00

got this from crabbie's blog.

[x] Gotten detention.
[ ] Gotten your phone taken away in class.
[ ] Gotten suspended.
[ ] Gotten caught chewing gum.
[ ] Gotten caught cheating on a test.
Total: 1

[x] Arrived late to class more than 5 times.
[x] Didn’t do homework over 5 times
[ ] Turned at least 3 projects in late.
[x] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[x] Laughed so loud you got kicked out of class.
Total : 4

[x] Got your mom / dad etc. to get you out of school.
[x] Texted people during class.
[x] Passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.
Total : 5

[ ] Pulled down the fire alarm. sprayed the fire extinguisher for no reason though.
[x] Went on Myspace , Facebook , Xanga , etc. on the computer at school.
[x] Took pictures during school hours.
[x] Called someone during school hours.
[x] Listened to an iPod , CD , etc... During class.
Total : 4

[ ] Threw something at the teacher
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[x] Broke the dress code.
[x] Failed a class.
[x] Ate food during class.
Total: 4

[x] Gotten a call from school.
[ ] Couldn’t go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn’t take your stuff to school.
[x] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[ ] Stuck up your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking.
[ ] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear
Total : 3

[x] Faked your parents signature.
[x] Slept in class.
[ ] Cursed at a teacher to their face.
[x] Copied homework.
Total: 3

MULTIPLY BY THREE : 24 x 3 = 72%
I screwed up 72% of my teenage life.

how is that even considered screwed? that's what teenage life should be like~i reckon. lol

-----------
Have not been updating much, shall let the pictures do the talking.

sunshine coast

my crazy 21st

post-21st celebration

klub kandy during easter break

ipswich show day

-----------

Jennifer's Bday (27.02.09 - 28.02.09)

2009-03-03T10:35:00.005+08:00

We headed over to Sean's(also known as big bird, cause he's SO TALL that he can be sesame street's mascot) place for some drinks. It was madness. Cause almost all of the people who lived at Unilink Village(our accommodation) went. Played card games & the famous 5-10-15 too. and. ~~i got wasted.~~

we left their place b4 12am cause it was jennifer's(she's from hong kong) bday the next day and we alrdy prepared a cake for her. but cause i was drunk. all of them didnt get to eat the cake. you'll know why from the pictures below. there's one which i was caught in the act while i was smearing cake all over aaron's face. LOL.

these are the fun people that we usually hang out with.

evan was very shocked when i suddenly ATTACKED.

jennifer joined in too after i smashed cake all over her face. so the rest is history.

evan got so scared by me that she was hiding under a table, in a corner, basically everywhere. but i still found her.

and when i get drunk, i do the same old thing that i always do. i bite people. ~~ALOT.~~ so this was what james did when i found him hiding in the toilet.

AND.they bullied me. =(

but it was really fun. except for the part where i had to help them clean up. mopped the floor like crazy. HAHAHAHA.

updates on sunshine coast trip coming up!

<3 Australia!

2009-02-25T21:46:00.003+08:00

even though we have...
lots of own groceries shopping & carrying to do.
to wash our own clothes.
to vacuum the floor ourselves.

life's good at australia!

first week here, we got to know our neighbour Gabriel See Wei Ming. We call him si xiao ming. he's doing his dual degree in health sciences & m.b.b.s. which simply means future doctor. And he's from singapore and is the same age as us! So we can really click v.well and he's our sister now.

during the start of the second week, we got to know aaron, james & lawrence. they are all doing the same degree as us. aaron & james are from singapore and lawrence's from hong kong. they are really fun people.

we cooked and eat together...drink together...talk for hours together. it's like we've know them for ages!!! we also got to know some other foreign friends as well. and the good thing is, we can click with them too! they are super fun people.

we actually have this common room with facilities like pool, pingpong, foxtel tv & a swimming pool. and just 2 days ago, we got thrown into the pool by the guys. damn lor. my arms are aching. cos aaron was carrying me by my arms and james holding on to my legs. and my leg got orh cheh(blue black) lor! but it was really fun. cos all of us were tossed into the swimming pool. including the caucasian girls & guys. it was real fun.

and while we were walking back home from school just now, there was this plane that flew by above us. and aaron & evan were both looking at it and saying that they miss home alot. james didnt say anything, he just went mad again by singing loudly in monotone.

but. im alright. i just miss my mum & grandma. i dont miss home.

till then, i will be uploading pictures into my facebook v.frequently! HEHS.

sentosa (continued)

2009-02-08T02:05:00.005+08:00

photos from the sentosa trip which we went zillion of years ago.

and these were the paparazzi shots by the crabbie & ss. I don't know what they were thinking.

and they really fail at being gou-zai. hahahaha.

sentosa trip. crab said it looked like heaven descending.

2009-01-18T21:16:00.010+08:00

believe it or not. it was my first trip to sentosa ytd. yea. FIRST. i'm totally like a sua gu. or what others call '宅女'. we took the skyride. i got laughed by chee, which was super humiliating. i took the photo below. chee insisted that i just turn, shut my eyes while i was taking it.

OEI STUP! I opened my eyes lor!! I insisted that i opened my eyes. and none of them believed me. which was all because...i shouted. hahahahaha. What!? got '惧高症' crime iszit.

this was the beautiful photo that i took while we were on skyride. the photo which none of them believe that i took it with my eyes opened. the one which crab said it looked like heaven descending. but i thought that the bright part looked like the bling bling ball which carried aliens in the movie 'the day the earth stood still'. LOL

*click for enlarged version*

真係好鬼正！

more photos coming up soon.

search network sucks

2009-01-16T00:11:00.010+08:00

im going crazy alrdy. seriously.

i've spent a total of less than $50 since 7th jan. i've only got $10 bucks to last till 23rd, the day which im suppose to get my pay. how the fuck am i going to get a printer cum scanner, do my hair and get my new year clothes in time!?

to make things worst, my mum just got a pay cut. bro's still taking money from her even though he got income alrdy. new year's coming. so she'll be broke. don't tell me to get money from my 'dad', cause i don't have one and i don't have a happy family like many of you.

and not to mention. I've got $350 in debt. How gr8. do not offer me money to tide over this period. i know the good intentions. but i hate the feeling of being in debt more than surviving on $10 bucks for 10 days. so, pls pls pls pls stop offering me money.

tell me how to not go crazy. ARGH

woo hoo!i just found a capital land voucher. thks to my habit of doing online surveys while i'm bored. voucher = cup noodles for a week! woo hoo!

super random & belated posts

2009-01-14T22:52:00.006+08:00

i just realised that i totally forgot to blog about day 3-6 of taiwan's trip. wadever la. can't be bothered alrdy. and i din blog about new yr countdown either. getting senile alrdy.

31.12.08

we went to downtown east for countdown! super chaotic. there were even security screening at every entrance. the place turned into a giant club tt's nt selling alcoholic drinks after 12am. a dj was hired to play club music all the way till 3am. so...it's practically madness.

After which, we bought movie tickets for twilight and went to Changi Village for sightseeing of bapok and get some drinks to spend our time. I saw a real pretty bapok!!

Chee managed to join us in time for the movie. It's a nice show, but not a nice one to watch during midnight. I almost fell asleep. Cause i find the part where edward cullen was jumping around the trees with the female lead was super boring. didn't see it as romantic either.

Our prog didn't end there. We travelled down to east coast to catch the first sunrise of 2009!

we sat at mcdonald to waste our time away. edmund n chee said they saw felicia chin, zhang yao dong, alvin ng the rest. don't think they were there for filming or what. cause it was like 4plus nearing 5 in the morning already. plus it's public holiday eh! wasted. i didn't see them. we slowly strolled to the beach around 530 i think.

and look at the number of ppl waiting for the first sunrise too!! perhaps zhang yao dong and his group were among them. hahaha.

BUT.

After waiting till 7, we finally gave up, and shared a cabbie home. super tiring day. but it was fun. cause i think last yr i spent it at home watching tv. hehs.

random posts
super random pictures. cause i forgot when we took them already.

A Chord

2009-01-14T02:44:00.005+08:00

台湾南投埔里小子 --谢和弦 (A Chord)

If you recognise him, he acted in Zhong Ji Yi Jia & Zhong Ji Yi Ban. He was also in one of Tanya's MV. He's darn creative and blogs very well. He wrote a song to scold a guy who scolded his friend. He's like the 2nd Jay!!

Damn it. I freaking love his songs!

new skin

2009-01-12T01:56:00.000+08:00

i combined 2-3 blogskins and ta dah!!!! I have one that's me.

now i know why

2009-01-11T23:36:00.002+08:00

now i know why my elder brother(ken) haven't been picking up calls from my mum.

story's like this. initially i wasn't really sure about going overseas for studies. cause $'s a big problem. until ken said he could be my guarantor. with the income that he was earning, i only need to find another person who's earning $3k to be my guarantor, and i will be able to loan the amount that i needed to finance my tuition fees and rent for 2 years in australia already. so with his promise and assurance, i went ahead to apply for admission to University of Queensland(UQ) and paid for the deposit of around $8.5 k with the help of my aunt and mum. And when almost everything is settled, except for the loan, he went m.i.a-ing. my mum couldn't find him at all, so she had no choice but to get help from her colleagues. and fortunately, her colleagues were all great people who are willing to help. but i was still puzzled why he disappeared all of a sudden.

So I just text him an sms. To clarify my doubts and get to the point straight, i just texted him 'Father don't let you help me is it?'. And yeap. I was right. He said he got a scolding cause of this issue. I did not understand why old man did that. I did not understand why ken could not send my mum a sms to let her know, but instead, just let her kept calling while he stares at his phone with incoming call till it stops. I did not want to understand either.

I should be angry with old man because of this. But I wasn't. I pitied him instead. I don't know why i felt that way instead. Perhaps it was because I saw him having great difficulties bending down to pick up something he dropped on the floor. Perhaps it was cause his hair was getting thinner and whiter. Perhaps he was still my old man. I can't really be bothered with whatever the reason was. As for ken, i wasn't a single bit angry at him too. Even though he offered to help in the end, I wasn't the least interested anymore. Didn't want him to fight with old man over this issue. He's old already. Didn't want to spoil their r/ship too.

This whole education loan thing actually made me grew up. When your closest family members and relatives aren't there for you, friends will always be. Not all, but some. When your family members and relatives shunn away from you as though you have some kind of disease, there's always some friends out there who are willing to help as long as you ask them to.

It totally made me see things clearer. And when I could see clearer, every thing else that's not happening the way I want it to be doesn't seem that bad anymore.

Like ytd's nightrider incident for example. There was this mabok guy who boarded at the same stop as me. He's indian and look like a gym trainer. The moment he boarded the bus, he scolded the bus driver for taking so long to arrive. And the bus driver actually argued back. And the bus driver was so angry that he drove like initial D. There were alot of sharp turns and everytime there's someone onboard that fell. The bus driver even stop in the middle of nowhere for a few times and ask the passengers to get the mabok man off his bus. And threatened that he'll have to transfer bus if we don't. But nobody did anything. I guess it was cause they were unhappy with the bus driver too. So there was nothing the driver could do but to drive on. And the driver was so angry that at certain stops, he opened and closed the doors for passengers to alight very fast. So there were actually passengers stuck onboard. So, the passengers unite with the mabok man to scold the driver. And point is. I was laughing very loud all the while. I was alone at that time. I didn't see anything bad. I just thought that it was funny. I didn't stop laughing even when others were staring at me. And the youngsters infront of me finally laugh along.

So. Now I don't get angry and lose my temper that easily when something bad happens. I'll laugh it off instead. Worst thing like family members and relatives showing their true colours already happened. What else could be worst? I'll most probably just grumble for a while, and then just laugh it off.

Laughing it off is the best way. Glad that the whole education loan thing made me grew up. At least that's what I think.

stup ns

2009-01-11T05:09:00.002+08:00

i hate ns. spoils everything.

chee and mund can't come tt day. =(

cried. die. think if i can't get my flight changed will cry like mad that day when i don't see them.

STUP NS.

the guy who sleeps in the room next to me

2008-12-29T00:30:00.002+08:00

took this picture from my brother's friendster. looks the nicest, but it TOTALLY doesn't resemble him at all. don't know which xiao mei mei he trying to 'kid' again. sigh~

us.

2008-12-28T00:39:00.004+08:00

and. finally a pic of chee where he doesn't look like a terrorist. posing with my kapo!

he's chua chee ee. 100% chinese. i swear. hahahahaha.

eventful day =)

2008-12-14T21:49:00.003+08:00

have been hanging out with jack,ed,chee,hy & crabbie every weekend. now that hy's off to ns, we're one man down! but...we still stay out late every weekend. This was our programme schedule yesterday.

1800 - meet for shopping, grab some snacks, continue shopping
2130 - went to cine for neoprints
1030 - head for pasir ris to meet jack for dinner
1130 - arrive at simpang road. at bedok there. HUGE coffeeshop with ALOT of plasma tv screening soccer. the atmosphere was crazy. it was REAL SINGAPORE NIGHT LIFE.
0100 - head down to downtown east. wanted to sing kbox but it closes at 3am, so we went to catch "Bolt" instead.
0330 - played bowling.
0500 - coffee shop for drinks and talk. we were practically talking every second.
0715 - jack dropped us off at the bus stop so that we can take bus home.
0900 - reach home.

it's almost like standard. we meet sat evening. go home on sun morning. can't imagine what would i do w/o them. my mum's abit pissed alrdy. when i reach home this morning i was drenched cos the walk from the bus stop did not have shelter. she pissed till she dont let me put my bag on the chair. i was so tired that i can't be bothered with her lor.

----------------------------
and i saw a sinseh today for my fingers. injured my fingers cos it was in between the car door and the car. hahahaha. the sinseh first insert 2 needles into the flesh near my knuckles. for about 20mins. after removing it he used a BIGGER-pen-liked needle. made 6 holes on each of my finger, at the finger joint there. he said the needles must hit my finger joint de bone, so that it can force some blood out, to prevent blood clotting. initially he only made 4 holes each. but the blood refuse to come out. so he just happily made a few more holes.

this is the end product.

i actually took pics(not posted here) while the sinseh was injecting needles at my knuckles. he must have thought tt my hand injury damaged my brain too.

and crab. don't need guilty la! not your fault also. is i put my hand there. haha. and anyway, i think that my fingers look more cool with the huge plasters. HAHAHAHA.

friends.

2008-12-10T23:10:00.004+08:00

there was a fuchun pri sch band gathering today, to celebrate mrs.beins promotion to vice-principal of northspring. steven, shaoping, felix, quite alot went! But the timing was so weird. 12pm on a wed? Ade couldn't go cause she's having exams. And I was working. i'm sure alot wanted to go but could not make it.

Started talking to long lost pri sch friends like benette, gerald and steven on the internet. whoever invented internet's a genius.

i love them loads. just like the way i love evan, fangyi, jwen, cai, leng & ss. i feel gr8 to have a bunch of fun friends. im so happy with my life now that im so afraid that it will change. but at least, im happy now. period.

i love sgh.

2008-12-10T14:30:00.002+08:00

sigh~just tendered my resignation letter today.

gonna miss the colleagues alot. already miss them even before im leaving.

went to work ytd. But stomach pain till i had difficulty walking and talking, cause was experiencing shortness of breathe. flagged a cab home in the end. even missed the pre-christmas dinner gather with the girls. sigh~ there's alot of 'strong waves' in my stomach again today. not sure if it's the arab meal i had with jack the rest on sun. cause my stomach have been aching since that day!i tink it's their mint tea. Their mint tea was brewed from actual mint leaves, so when you drink the tea, you can actually see alot of tea leaves inside.

but the food was NICE. going to bring the girls go the next time, even if it means 3 more days of lao sai-ing.

im missing SGH already!!!

freak

2008-12-05T11:58:00.004+08:00

received a call from a v.rude person today. i'm not obliged to help you at all k? If you don't know how to fill up a form which is within your job scope, wad business has it got to do with me? At most your dept becomes short handed cause of you la. you're asking for a help, and you're so damn freaking rude.

i don't give a crap about HR Dept is a people dept, you're suppose to help ppl. Super Pek Chek. Checked the staff directory for her photo. GOSH!!!

*spits!!!*

PUI

sigh again.

2008-11-26T09:49:00.003+08:00

i felt guilty for taking last minute mc ytd. even though i really wasn't feeling well. cause the people at work are so nice, till tt extend tt i feel guilty for taking mc.

sigh.

old man's somewhere overseas.since sat. i didn't know that he was doing business outside. i didn't even know that he had a company. not sure if he's coming back to this home anymore. perhaps, he have a family outside too. he's doing business. he has a company. and when i mentioned about studies and taking a loan from him first, he said he had no money. perhaps he was sending his child outside for overseas education too. sometimes, it's not good to know too much. even knowing a little of the truth can kill. cause you tend to think of alot of possibilities from the little truth that you know.

sigh. everything's just not right. my mum's been talking to me recently. saying that she want to divorce the old man. it's tiring just to hear that from her. cause her tomorrow never comes. it's always words and no actions.

it's really tiring. cos it seems like im going overseas at the wrong time. SIGH. Comments disallowed again.

sigh.

2008-11-22T21:47:00.008+08:00

i like opinions. i love opinions. because it shows that the other party cares.

but i dislike FORCED opinions. because it's forcing me to do something which is NOT ME.

just like how i dislike others NOT ALLOWING me to cut my hair short. i know i may look better to you guys with my hair long. BUT IM MORE MYSELF WHEN MY HAIR'S SHORT!

although this whole thing is not about keeping my hair short. but whatever.

i don't like forced opinions. but i DO care about what my friends think.
*sighs* being yourself.......is a v.tiring & accommodating thing.

comments disabled btw.

Naggy Me

2008-11-16T23:56:00.003+08:00

im feeling naggy today. so ya, 2 posts in a day.

i realise that there's so much that i want to do b4 going to aus.

I've done the following:-
- Travel with friends
- Do volunteer work
- Hear someone play the guitar and sing to me. Even though it was just practice, but still nice lor.
- Be a fen si (i watched fahrenheit today!)
- Apply for overseas Uni.

since i've done the stuffs above, with lots of courage for some, i may just do the following.

These are some other stuffs that i want to do:-
- Donate blood.
- Go to pulau ubin.
- Visit the zoo.
- Be piggybacked. (this is super diff, considering my weight)
- Get a tattoo.

I've been wanting to get a tattoo. someone acc me? LOL.

Testimonials~make me realise that im really v.man

2008-11-16T22:47:00.004+08:00

was chatting with soon jin. the last time we chat was 4 years back, on the phone and msn i tink. and we were arguing over something. and he said there's testimonial as proof. so i searched his and my friendster.

JIAN GUI LOR. we really did talk on the phone. and then i started to remember things. things that were 4 years ago.

knew soon jin since 2001.yeap, sec 1 tru irc.he's this miracle guy who always happen to talk to me when i happen to be v.low.i mean mood. it's like we can dont talk for years, and then suddenly when im at my lowest point, he suddenly msg me. so, 4 years ago, he happened to contact me when i tink i just broke off with eric? or was it cooling period for o's? i realise that i don't remember things that clearly anymore. but after chatting with him, i remember bits and pieces and tried to make it into one whole piece.

fy, evan & jwen, you aren't seeing things. im blogging about eric.he's not the main character in this post, but whatever, im blogging about him too.

ok. i don't know how to continue all of a sudden. oh ya, soon jin.it's a miracle i still remember his name after 4 years w/o contact. cos of him, i began browsing through my friendster's testimonials. realise that i received 3 testimonials from eric. 4 actually. but i deleted 1 few years ago when i was super sad? or frustrated? doesn't really matter. it was a good memory overall. even though it didn't make me grow up.

realised that i have several testimonials from han. quite alot in fact. and a rare one from shahid and jia bao. and it made me remember the times when we (han, tas, me, shahid & boon kai) went to jia bao house to play ps. i know it sounds weird. cos i totally nv tok to them in school even though we were sec 3 and 4 classmates? i was even labeled 'sexist' by han. we got together real close only after o's. and i was really glad tt i had their company. cause after o's, i kept myself bz with work(sakae sushi) and meeting up with them. and that totally kept my mind occupied. at least, there were months where i didn't think about r/ship stuffs at all. ok, there were some days in between these 'months' when i did think about r/ship stuffs, but it was v.minimal. and i really liked their company. cos they are fun people who will make you laugh non stop and forget all your troubles.

another testimonial which made me remember sec sch stuffs was from willie. the linus look alike? we were so good during sec sch that he's my jie jie and im his didi. sounds funny? hahaha. but now? i tink there's this gap after we lost contact for so many years. it's a waste. cos i really think of him as a nice friend. a rather good one. and i really like his passion for history. history was a subject i really like, but could not perservere. but he could. now when i see him online, i don't know what to talk to him anymore. but when i see his msn nick, i know he still love history as much as he did in sec sch. and that's something i really admire about him.

so you see why i call soon jin the miracle man? because we lost contact for so many years, but we still can have alot to talk about.

and if you realise from the above post, it seems like i have more male friends than female friends. what to do...like what fy evan & jwen says...im too man. im a buddy to all of them. hell crap. hope that the aus study period will make me a women. A real women. Now there's something to look forward to for overseas studies. Besides getting a caucasian bf of course. LOL

------------------------------

oh ya, i was supposed to blog about fahrenheit. cos i went to their concert tix autograph session today! but, i prefer to blog tt first. fahrenheit can wait. friends comes first. LOL.

zhng

2008-11-13T11:59:00.004+08:00

Was busy 'zhng-ing' my new camera this 2 days. zhng is fun. still have some crystals left. may just use it to deco my laptop..handphone..ear piece..

zhng fever~

Taiwan Day 2

2008-11-10T20:19:00.018+08:00

DAY 2

we had breakfast at a cafeteria near our hotel.see all those food in the picture? each of us only paid 55TWD. the whole meal only cost 220TWD, which is lesser than SGD$10! And even though it's cheap, it's super yummy! their milk tea tasted very different from singapore's one. canc't really accept the taste, but the rest found it quite nice.

After our breakfast, we headed to 中正纪念堂(Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall) & 国父纪念馆.

I mixed both pictures in, cos kindof got mixed up alrdy. but the grand tower like thing that you see in the bottom left of the picture is 中正纪念堂.Inside it is the bronze statue of Chiang Kai Shek(Top right hand corner of the picture). There's this SUPER flight of stairs that you must climb before reaching the tower. HELL. but when you're up there, the view is majestic!!! With all the trees and the way the plants are planted, HELL! IT'S FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!

Ok.After that, we went to 国父纪念馆's gift shop to buy some gifts for family. We didn't really take much pictures there, because there's nothing much to see. But we spent quite some time at the gift shop though. Women~born shopaholics.

Ok. This is the interesting part.

We went to MR.J restaurant after that!!
Don't understand why i'm so high? Mr.J is opened by Jay Chou for god sake!!!!*excited*.

The exterior, the interior, and the duo who kept asking me and huiyi to help them take pictures.

And our food!!!!

Hell crap. they sell jay's gifts there. Wanted to get his poker cards for fangyi, but they were out of stock, have to wait for the new season(new edition), which is like months later,bad luck~ But anyway, the food was GR8. and they have an open concept, where you can see the chefs cook, and we were seated right next to it. No handsome chefs though, and we weren't really concentrating on their cooking skills either, cause we were camwhoring and deciding what food to order.We were SO HUNGRY after spending so much time shopping. I spent a total of about 450TWD at the restaurant, including food and gifts, which i think is darn cheap.

No more photos taken by us for the below post, think we were busy shopping and eating till we totally forgot the existence of a camera. LOL. But, I managed to find some from the internet though. And these are really what we saw while we were there.

We went to Wei(1) Xiu(4) Ying(3) Cheng(2) after that. Had ireland's potato there.

It's a giant size version of normal french fries. A little bigger than Mos Burger's, and alot yummier. Yea, we are hungry ghosts that ran away from hell. And I wasn't that high when cai said ireland potato, until she said Fahrenheit ate this before and they love it alot. HELL. I LOVE IRELAND POTATO! And i finally bought my wacoal bra there! I've been ranting that I want to get my bra since we arrive at Taiwan's airport. The rest must have thought that I'm crazy, but i don't really care. hahahaha. 2 wacoal bra for 980TWD, which is only $44 SGD! WACOAL EH! If you are those that really don't care if your breast goes out of shape, you won't understand why i'm so high. Whatever~

After shopping there for like 2hours, we took the train to 后山埤, because the famous 五分埔 is there!

We shop for 4 hours there, in pairs. See~now you know why I said women are born shopaholics? Think we shopped for 8 hours out of the 11 hours since we woke up for breakfast. I spent around 1000TWD(1SGD=21TWD) there, which I think is still alright. Cause if Evan was there, she would have spent at least 6000TWD for sure.

Our next stop for the day was 忠孝敦化's 忠孝东路. They have shopping malls in their train stations, just like Singapore's Bugis MRT station. The shoes there were pretty cheap, but I only bought a pair of red pointed pumps. Super comfy, and dirt cheap, only 150TWD.

Our last stop for the day was 西门町, the place where our hotel's located.

We had the famous Ah Zhong Mian Xian that Daren was advertising for, and then we continued SHOPPING. Bought caps for my bro and jack. My bro hate the cap i bought for him. Jack like it alot. I've got a 'no sense' bro. Whatever, anyway, i think it was real nice! Abit expensive though, but nevermind. We shopped till 1plus nearing 2, till all the shops were almost closed, before we went to a 24hour 7-11 like store to buy some food, and walk back to our hotel. Our hotel's located only 5-10 minutes walk away from Xi Men Ding's train station, which is quite convenient.

SEE HOW WE SPENT OUR DAY!? Woke at 8, slept at 3. During this 19hours, we were eating and shopping all the while. All thanks to cai and the rest who planned the itinerary. Because that week that they arrange to meet, i happen to be working the whole week. Yeap, whole week. Mon-Fri @ SGH, sat & sun whole day at Wyeth roadshow. And they were very understanding. I love them. I love her loads.

*WARNING.Image Heavy for Day 3 & 4.下回分解*

broke my record

2008-11-09T18:53:00.005+08:00

Best friends may not always be there when you need them, but at least, they are the ones who comes to your mind first. well, at least i have quite a few to think of.

and crap. I just broke my own record. spent $315.75 in 20minutes.

AM I CRAZY OR WHAT.

FUCK!

Incomplete Puzzle

2008-11-01T15:31:00.008+08:00

Everything's beginning to fall into place. I can't help but have this 'URGH!' sense of uncertainty. Many may say that overseas study is a good experience. I do think so too.

BUT.

My heart's getting heavier and heavier as the day to leave approaches. The thought of communicating with foreigners, the thought of failing my modules, the thought of not being able to get a job when i complete my studies, ARGH! I know, I'm thinking far ahead way too much, but, these are problems to be solved sooner or later.

In case you don't know, I chose to study Communication Management. COMMUNICATION MGMT in a FOREIGN COUNTRY. Initial plan was to brush up my communications skills, cause I'll get tongue-tied whenever a situation arises. And, I want people to understand what I want to say and the words that are coming out from my mouth. There have been many incidents where I wanted to say alot of things but could not find the right word to do so. I've also noticed that whenever I say an 'essay', I'll turn monotone, and my friends will be 'switched off' by the time I'm already reaching the climax.

I really admire those who are very diplomatic and good at speaking. Cause that's something I've always hoped to do, tried to do, but failed. I'm beginning to doubt my choice of course. I may not make the cut.

SEE! You're thinking of navigating away from this page already right!?

And. I'm not too sure that evan's glad to have me as accompany for 1.5 years. We'll be living together for one and a half years. I'm not that fun and diplomatic as Fangyi. I'm not that talented as Jwen. I'm not that sister-ly as Xin Hui they all. I like to 'nuah' at home at times. I'm not a fun person. I'm sure that evan would rather have either one of them over there for the 1.5years instead of me. At least they will make her life more interesting. Definitely.

uncertainty. BIG BIG uncertainty. sighs~

Taiwan Day 1 & Recent Stuffs

2008-10-20T00:07:00.003+08:00

02.09.08 (DAY 1)

took jetstar to taiwan! 4hours journey. played 'asshole daidee' with cai, huiyi & sweeli on the plane. stupid lor, kept losing. but it was fun la.hehs.We reach taiwan around 530pm.

our hotel! Royal Castle Hotel. By the time we check it, think it was around 7pm already. the hotel is 3 stars only. But it was super homely. Cause all of us actually had the habit of saying 'let's go home(instead of hotel) after going xxx' etc.

we went to miramar after that! the place with the ferris wheel that's featured in Huan Huan Ai!!! SUPER SCARY LOR! SO HIGH. If you look down, it's a big carpark. Nothing much. Look behind is the night scene. But the night we went was abit cloudy, so couldn't see Taipei 101 really that clearly. Maybe expected the scene to be VERY nice la, so wasn't really that 'high' when i was in there. But overall, it was a nice experience. It's alot nicer on the outer though.

our last stop for the first day was Shilin Night Market. Had the famous 青蛙下蛋(sort of jelly drink) & 炸鸡排. Had 鲁肉饭 too. ordered alot of taiwan's local dishes too. We shared everything, but was still SUPER FULL LOR.

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16.10.08 (Thursaday)
Yongyee's surprise bday celebration. people who celebrated with him. tianyi, yonglin, yongquan, yeehang, zhiwei, fangyi, jwen & one of yonglin's friend. Had dinner @ MOF. Updates @ fangyi's blog.Had loads of fun. they're really born jokers. esp yongyee. tink he n jwen looks real compatible la. LOL.

18.10.08 (Saturday)
lunch @ waruku & ktv with sgh colleagues.4 girls 1 guy. zhi hao confirm feeling darn xing fu. hahaha. they're a bunch of fun ppl la. made me laugh till i tink i lost 5kgs.

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Day 2-5 of taiwan will be up soon. hehs.

taiwan pics

2008-09-25T20:35:00.006+08:00

12.10.08
Photos compilation finally done!!!!!!!!!!!!! Madness. Shall blog about it over the next weekend.

TAIWAN!

25.09.08
500 over pictures. going crazy.

im back!

2008-09-08T18:57:00.002+08:00

im back from taiwan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the trip was REAL FUN & TIRING. shall blog about it soon.

1 week without spicy food is really unbearable.i miss spicy food!
*off to eat my chilli crab flavor instant noodles alrdy!! HEHS.*

Working Adults. Sigh~

2008-08-29T10:14:00.001+08:00

Working adults nowadays..SERIOUSLY think too much.

If you wish them 'Kai Xin Kuai Le', they'll see it as though you think that they are very unhappy now.
If you wish them 'Shen Bian Wu Xiao Ren', they'll see as you though you think that the people around her are xiao ren.

If her colleagues happen to see/hear that i wish her 'Shen Bian Wu Xiao Ren', they think that i'm referring to them. Like wth. I have this colleague who will be leaving us for missionary work, travelling around the world to help the less fortunate. So i wrote alot of wishes as usual. And one of them was 'Shen Bian Wu Xiao Ren'. I wasn't thinking that much when i said that. All i wanted to say was, hope that she will be free from 'bad friends' while she's on her missionary work cos its like she's travelling with them. I mean, it's always good to have 'GOOD COMPANION' while you're travelling right!!!??!! And those that happen to saw what I wrote thinks that I'm referring to them. AND I WASN'T.

Jump into Yellow River also cannot wash clean clean. And i can't be bothered to explain when they ask me. I just replied 'I don't mean tt la' and shrug it off with a smile. Should just be an autistic child like Brian from today onwards.

1 billion + sgh

2008-08-09T03:07:00.004+08:00

im seriously crazy.jia hui's too. we were talking about rotting our life away and other possibilities that could happen if we had 1 billion each.at 3am late in the night somemore. are we crazy or wad?

and when someone is tired..he/she will most prob say 'wo hen lei'. but guess what she said? 'My eyebags are sweeping the floor alrdy'. hahahaha.she said its for me to better 'see it' in my head. She's seriously an interesting and fun person with GR8 PASSION for nursing. jia you girl! =)

work at sgh's been good so far. But nothing much for me to do. Kept requesting for things to do. But there were very little. They assigned me 2-3 tasks at a time. And the process(i bug them to assign me work) repeated for around 3 times. And they ran out of things for me to do. think i really irritate them alot. So i got so bored that i actually printed out SGH's HR policies to read.if Mon's still so boring, i could end up memorizing them instead. and i became a loner at sgh. not that the colleagues are not nice, they are nice. Just that i realise that i like going for lunch alone.

oh ya. i wasnt allowed to wear a t-shirt, black vest & skinny work pants to work at nuh. was told rudely tt t-shirts are inappropriate. but i tink its allowed in SGH!at least, our senior manager wore a t-shirt today. YAY!!!

freaking happy

2008-08-03T04:11:00.003+08:00

i'm sry that i don't like you.
i'm sry that i ignored you on purpose.
i'm thankful that wed's the last day im seeing you.

Goodbye NUH! Hello SGH!!!

*hmm,sry for forgetting your bday. Was bz & bothered by work transition/handling over stuffs. im forgiven, right? hehs. =)

2008's late resolutions

2008-07-18T00:55:00.003+08:00

some of my 2008 resolutions. didn't post it during the start of the year, for fear of not accomplishing any at all.

* improve my drinking (a tiny weeny bit. im still getting drunk. LOL.)
* travel with friends (going in sept!)
* do alot of volunteer work (did for iras once. doing for NUH next sat. and then for NUH on a regular basis from aug onwards!)
* go overseas study (applied.received offer.1/3 done?)
* lose weight (failed. gained instead. WTH)

could almost do all. except for the 'lose weight' one. darn pathetic

movie n stayover

2008-07-13T03:45:00.004+08:00

watched red cliff with friends ytd. think that it was not up to expectations. fun movie outing though.

stay over at fangyi's house today with evan & jwen. drank abit. ate alot. watched movies. and they're all asleep now as im blogging about this. had real heart to heart talk.im waiting to see if evan really snores. hahahaha.

realise that i really love biting. think i got mad dog disease. chomp chomp!

love em'.

a thousand words to say

2008-07-06T22:39:00.012+08:00

took revenge for fangyi.

couldn't stand the thought of his hands on my shoulder. LOL.

my super pinchable cheeks.

blur.

trying to butt in.

they threw me aside.

our 'clubbing' exp.

'camwhorers' on the train. LOL

wtf. wth

2008-06-29T01:47:00.005+08:00

shopping helped. at least for an hour or two. and this 1-2hours is darn costly. damn. i officially declare myself a junkie. a food and shopping junkie. and perhaps a mildly depressed one.

what the hell is wrong with me!!!???!!!

im praying that it's a habit. im hoping that it's a habit. im wishing that it's ONLY a habit. this shouldn't be happening to someone who's planning to further her studies and leaving here for 2-3years. and THIS shouldn't be the reason why im finally letting down.

like wtf. i don't even know what im blogging alrdy. so you people can forget about trying to understand.

sick cat

2008-06-27T00:04:00.005+08:00

i seriously got nothing to blog. everyone's been asking me if im ok recently.even my mum ask me too. and they said i look pale.

im alright.i swear.im just tired. and probably a little stress.

im still eating alot. really ALOT. and gaing weight every day.
im still sleeping. around 5-6 hours a day. which is already alot.
im still breathing. every sec. and i seriously think that i belong to those who gain weight even by breathing.
could be the after effects of bronchittis.cos i didn't finish the antibiotics.

but its really scary. if only 1 or 2 person ask me if im alright. i wont really get worried or what. but it seems like everyone's asking. think i got this 'im dying soon' look.

im really alright people! stop scaring me. and thanks for all the concern though. oh yea. forgot to mention. my probation got extended for 1 month. hai. and i've actually got loads of things to talk about. but it seems like everyone are bothered by their own things. and it has been bothering me for so long that i dont feel like talking anymore. real contridicting. wadever~

guess i really need some travelling to unwind. looking forward to the taiwan trip in sept with my twin! and probably some traveling trip in july with han and the rest! hehs.

stalked

2008-06-15T01:43:00.001+08:00

whenever i hear ppl saying how they are afraid or angry about being stalked,i just cant understand. lao niang want ppl to stalk also dun have, cant understand wth are they complaining about.

shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu~

office politics freakingly sucks.

2008-06-08T00:09:00.004+08:00

im beginning to dread going to work. To me, the office is politics-free. Just that there's heavy workload. But somehow, I've begin to see the politics. Like after 2 months of work. like wth. I must be blind.

of cos. there's fun colleagues and newly made friends during the orientation. made alot of friends who works as speech therapist..nurses..radiographers etc. they're real fun peeps. but i seriously hate politics.HATE. i get angry even when i hear how my friend from the clinic suffer from politics. HATE LOADS.

I tot that a person is nice as long as they smile to me and i haven't seen their ugly side b4. Why can't ppl just like each other sincerely, help one another and progress together!!?

schooling is seriously MUCH MUCH MUCH better. can't wait for 09 to arrive.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spending $ like water

2008-06-02T00:28:00.002+08:00

i just bought this online!one year use. cant wait for it to arrive.

shopping freak.vain pot.

i just received my pay on 25th and im now left with $400bucks to last for the month.

How great!

pics up

2008-05-29T23:00:00.025+08:00

23may's pic.

fun-loving peeps who made my poly life so enjoyable!

i was actually trying to make chee ee fall. but his horse stance too powerful alrdy. LOL.

at phuture.
before we drank alot.

i seriously tink i look like a freaking cat in this pic.meow.

after flaming, 2 pops, ak & vodka i tink.

im so glad that i turn lesbian instead of a kissing freak when i got drunk.at least i only kiss the girls. LOL.these were the two guys that went with us.

kwe chyuan's friends. tianyi & yongyi.real fun ppl.

enjoyable 23rd.

grad + phuture

2008-05-25T15:35:00.003+08:00

23may

grad ceremony.went phuture with evan,fangyi,tianyi,yongyi & evan's friends after that. actually tt day was just alright only. cos the music wasnt really as nice as the other time when we went with jwen. but the ak drink tt song hui reco really got fangyi high.REAL HIGH. cos we were playing the 5-10-15 game as usual. then tianyi made her drink alot of times. and she totally couldnt stand straight after tt.

hy jacky the rest came to meet us halfway tru.was abit drunk by the time they came. they got so worried that they offered to send us home after clubbing.which was like 430am!b4 tt tink they spent their time at a prata shop or wad.hehs. so good la! got this part i forgot what they were talking about me.but its smth like 'if you xx i throw u off the car ar'.den hsien yew said smth like 'later she really jump off the car'.and den jacky IMMEDIATELY lock the car's door.REAL FUNNY. thx and sorry for making you all worried. hehs.

apr updates

2008-05-18T11:05:00.004+08:00

27.04.08

gathering for grandma's bday. few still missing from the pic. din noe that i had another nephew older than me other than joel. LOL.

30.04.08

clubbing at st.james together with fy and her friends songhui they all. AND. no wonder i find songhui so familiar. i noe his pri sch funny acts..ade told me all about it. i almost laugh till i died.

leng's flying off to korea and then to taipei soon. her first sia training flight. im feeling green.and hoping that everything goes well for her training!no worries girl!SURE CAN DE LA! *heartz*

another clubbing event on 23may. to celeb jwen finishing of nafa + me & fy & evan's grad ceremony.had wanted to introduce someone to jwen. but she cant make it on that day!wasted.

1st time drunk

2008-04-21T21:49:00.010+08:00

at disney cafe.

eating our cake by the road side.what an experience.LOL

before clubbing.

after 4shots of nothing and half glass of graveyard.

total madness.did ALOT of stupid stuffs.but felt totally destressed.looking forward to 30th!

fun colleagues

2008-04-16T21:22:00.004+08:00

my best friends at work.

love them lots.always so fun.looking forward to our k-outing!hehs.

------------------------------------------------------------------
11APR08
met up with han to go pasar malam.he's really irritating la.we sat under block to eat the food we bought. and he looks gay when he's eating his pink candy floss. REAL GAY. know him for 7 yrs..reaching 8 yrs i tink. and i just realise he's real flirt. tsk tsk...and when i repeatly say tt he looks gay..guess wad he said.

--> 'can i touch you?'

but i noe his biggest wish is to touch who if he really admits that he's gay.lol.

14APR08
met up with cai n crabbie after work.post bday celebration.jac was supposed to come but smth cropped up.hope everything's fine alrdy. it was REAL FUN to go out with them la!i miss crabbie's non-stop laughters.i miss cai's irritating look.i miss jac's funny expressions and words usage. cai din manage to get me fahrenheit's gong zai while she was in taiwan. but she got me fahrenheit covered lemon tea(bottle)! LOL. REAL HUGE bottle.gam dong~

went to catch three kingdoms after that. anyway. really miss watching movies with cai they la.cai n i have this habit of taking off our shoes and putting our legs right infront of the seats if there's nobody seated infront of us.i only do it when im with cai la. cos got ppl dui lian with me.super comfortable lor.

they got me a slice of cake and a guess wallet.thx alot lei!
*jac. when we meeting!!??

it was REAL comfortable going out with them.love them lots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOTS.

oh ya. saw fy with her bf at cine there. finally saw that childish bf of hers. he's mi mi yan cum you zhi wang lor! u better stop bullying fy.idiot.

2008-04-12T21:13:00.001+08:00

暴风雨

来的快，去得也快

2008-04-12T18:20:00.007+08:00

so im suppose to predict that you all will do so much when all that you all asked was 'meet where?what time?' and made me feel like i forced you all to celebrate with me. fine. i apologise for not being able to predict.

i do throw my temper at you guys. i admit. and im really sorry for that.im really sry that you guys had to bear with me for so long.

im sorry for not respecting you all by throwing temper at you guys.but i don't respect you all?

18sep05's post.
23mar06's post.
29sep07's post.
02nov07's post.
12jan08's post. (Title: Some ppl whom've made me live my life)

im saying sorry for throwing temper at you guys. i really mean it.and im not saying that cos im forced or wad. im saying cos i really think i owe you all an apology. and yes. sorry is the hardest word from my mouth. but it depends on whom im saying it too. and now im saying sorry to chong fang yi, evangeline teo pei chi & jwen lim hui wen. sorry that you all had to bear with me for so long.

i dunno if it sounded sincere. but i did mean it.

i hate myself

2008-04-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

i hate eileen tan yee lei.she's fat,ugly,and a burden to everyone else.

ah ma!

2008-04-06T22:35:00.005+08:00

grandma fell sick last week. now she got problem walking, so she's wheel bounded now. went to visit her on sat n sun. brought her to khatib's bottle tree park today. she was so happy. cos everytime she goes out its only for hospital or polyclinic checkups.

my aunt and my cute grandma.looks how excited she was.

me with my first pair of contact lenses. stupid eye bags. looking pale like ghost w/o makeup. raarrr!!!

shall post some pics of my colleagues and random stuffs in next post.hehs.

stup old man

2008-04-02T23:53:00.004+08:00

penis is the root of all evil.

it gave guys another reason to stray.

why cant u just fucking divorce him instead of constantly telling me what those gossipy relatives said they saw.

faster divorce & get his MONEY b4 that bloody women spends it.ARGH

mediacorp & govt co.

2008-03-27T22:24:00.005+08:00

I've got alot of FUN and CRAZY colleagues.

And because everytime when i see someone whom i think has great acting skills, i'll definitely say 'why didn't you join mediacorp?'.

said that to 1 colleague today. and it turned out that he was from mediacorp.

fy and i realise that govt organizations always like to organise alot of activities and locate their company high up on a hill. and tmr's there's this fun-work wear(forgot wad its called) thing where all staff are to wear the color specified otherwise i also dunno wad will happen. The color changes every friday. and tmr's orange. and im totally not a orange-color person. no orange color in my wardrobe at all. perhaps should just dont care and see what will happen tmr.

LOL~

first day @ work

2008-03-24T21:24:00.003+08:00

woke up too early. even had to time to cook breakfast, eat alrdy, and still reach NUH early..hence...

LOL

and see my name tag!!!

The SR makes me feel so bloody hell OLD!

but, im lovin' it.hehs

fresh new start

2008-03-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

fangyi's mum helped me alter my pants today.asked me to eat the fried rice she cooked. even invited me to join them for steamboat tonight. but i din go la.

xie xie auntie!!!

feels good to have a mum-like person around when my mum's off to shanghai to work.

went to get my first pair of contact lenses after that. took like 20-30 mins to learn. felt abit giddy after wearing ar. cos the whole environment looks 'brightened up'. LOL. tink i slowly prac ba.

did household chores after i reach home.hell. tink i lost 5kgs. LOL. so many things to do!!!

tmr's the first day of work.and i just realise that i forgot to print 2 documents. im in deep shit~

human-eater

2008-03-22T02:04:00.005+08:00

randomness.

was doing a random google blog search by typing in few of my friend's name. searched for evan. found elisa's blog scolding zigui for buying evan away everytime she buys her. i guess she's referring to facebook's human pets. found a stranger blogging on fangyi for being helpful during nyp open house.

not putting his blog link cos i dont want his/her blog traffic to increase. fangyi if want ba gua can get the link from me. the rest want bagua one ownself search. yea. im tt evil.so wad? better input the tag code that covers your blog if you are going to blog bad things about me. or better still. set a password. cos u noe i'll do random google blog search. hahahaha. RAWR!!!!

i wonder how human meat tastes like.LOL

silly

2008-03-22T01:30:00.005+08:00

i blog, and then i forget.guess blog is an avenue for venting frustrations, war-of-words and offend alot of people at the same time.feels weird when i read my previous posts on scolding people, emo moments or records on of my 'irritated-ness' on public transport. but it sort of made me laugh at my silly actions and behavior though. life~

im bored of cabal alrdy!

volunteer work tmr.i need $. LOTS OF IT. perhaps should just 'bait' a doctor like what most of them say. nurses could be fun too. LOL. time to revamp my wardrobe.

and i finally decided. i shall get my first pair of contact lenses!

hope all colleagues are as nice as audrey

155th

2008-03-21T02:47:00.003+08:00

i freakingly hates it when ppl r gossiping and i ask smth and they bloody hell treat me as transparent.ming ming is 3 ppl playing the game with another stranger but become i play game with 3 strangers.WTF

scold me for having bad temper. you both can gossip bout me if you want.

I DONT CARE.fuck